There's this John Cusack movie called High Fidelity, and if you haven't seen it you should probably just shut down whatever it is you're doing right now and go watch it. Cusack's character runs a record store, at at one point he puts on this song and says something to the effect of, "I am now going to sell three copies of The Beta Band's The Three E.P.s," and we watch as customers in his store take note of how good this song is.

I wish I could run a record store. The fantasy will be one I'll never fulfill, unlike the grilled cheese sandwich store which I will undoubtedly own some day, because I can recognize that physical media is pretty much worthless. I don't hold any nostalgia for the day when I had to carry around a 200 disc pack of CD-Rs and CDs in my car so I could have my pick. I don't miss having to haul it up into my passenger seat and dangerously flip through it while picking something. Now I can easily scroll through my iPad and then dangerously text while driving and it feels much better. I actually briefly contemplated throwing out one of these 200 disc packs of actual CDs this weekend when I stumbled on it, but the complete discography of Skinny Puppy started whimpering at the thought.

I've never been in a record store where the owner or employees seemed to give any sort of a shit. I've never run into a John Cusack, walking the aisles, eagerly awaiting for someone---anyone---to ask him what the band playing is called. In fact most of the stores I've been in seem to play music that no one could possibly ever want to buy, the kind of obscure pretentious shit no one really listens to except for those people who sit behind record store counters looking at you smugly, which can vary from bizarre ethno world free association jazz to hardcore minimalist math punk. I just made those up but I am sure I've heard both of them being played at Lovell's while I was busy not finding stuff to buy.

Maybe my fantasy is misplaced: maybe people who go to record stores don't want someone like me telling them what they should try to listen to. Maybe when you ask a store employee for help finding something you don't actually want them to help you and instead tell you that the band sucks and they won't stock it.

But if I did run one, it would be awesome. You'd walk in, and "staires_!_ radio" would be playing. You'd perk up your ears: "Hey, this song is good!" and I see that thought flash across your face, so I'm like, "Hey, brother, I saw you perking up your ears, what you're listening to is the latest album by so and so called this and that and boy howdy it sure is rad, I got a couple copies sitting up here if you want it," and you smile and nod and walk into the rest of the store.

The store itself doesn't feel damp at all, unlike most indie record stores. The paint isn't peeling off the walls. There isn't even some random guy standing in the aisles who smells bad who is either going through everything or is possibly an employee of some kind taking stock. Instead there are just rows of carefully arranged CDs, complete with poorly handwritten placards separating the individual bands. I've put little hearts next to my favorite bands, with the "first timer album" suggested on each one.

There's a sign next to the register in block lettering you can read from the back of the store: "STUCK? ASK STUY FOR A RECOMMENDATION!" I'll ask you about the last few albums you've listened to and how you liked them, and from there I'll recommend something. Long time visitors who get to know me learn that they can come in whenever they like with a partial lyric or a hummed melody and I'll pretty quickly name the song they heard and grab the CD for 'em. With every purchase you get a burned copy of a random staires_!_ playlist, to further encourage you to listen to more bands.

My record store would be awesome. That's probably why it'll never exist.

P.S. The Beta Band are pretty cool, and I love The Three E.P.s, but I don't really get them. I saw them open for Radiohead at the Hollywood Bowl back in 2001. "She wrote me a letter on the back of the road" is one of my favorite lyrics.