If you’re wondering what has been up with my twitters lately, I don’t know what to tell you.

Actually, I can’t tell you. If I knew, I wouldn’t say, and I don’t know, so I just can’t.

Am I getting over things? Am I moving on? Sometimes I think so, but then sometimes I don’t. I really don’t know.

In some ways I am getting worse. Relying on crutches. The crux eluding me! I am so, so poetic.

I am functioning, to an extent. I am still doing better in school than I ever have, and I don’t really know how. I think I can safely say this is the worst mental and emotional state I’ve ever been in during my time in school, and I’m still holding on, doing all my work. I guess I know that I have absolutely nothing better to do. It’s hard, sometimes, to not just say fuck it and lie in bed and not do anything, but I know that would only make me more miserable, and the worries and anxieties would plague me endlessly. Besides, if I don’t do it now, I’ll just have to do it later.

The end of all this is uncertain again. It’s scary and smug, laughing and pointing, waving its arms, but darting from view when I try to stare at it.

I am getting tired. I am getting very, very tired.